Archive for 2010
0

Lashon Hara Part 6

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

In the past weeks we have discussed the various prohibitions that relate to harmful speech. However, there are situations in which it is permissible and perhaps even required to speak negatively about others. The Torah tells us, “Do not stand by your brother’s blood.1 ” This means that when our friend is in danger we are obligated to try to help him in any way possible. This commandment is not limited to physical danger - it is also incumbent upon us to prevent our friend suffering financial, psychological, or emotional damage.

Consequently, there are occasions where the only way in which we can protect a person is by informing him of the negative actions or intentions of someone else - this would inevitably involve lashon hara. However, in such situations it is permitted to do so in order to protect our friend, as long as a number of conditions are met2.

An example of this is if we know that out friend is about to embark on a business venture with a person known to be untrustworthy. In this situation we are obligated to try to save our friend from potential financial loss. In such a scenario it would be permitted to speak negatively about one person in order to save the other if the conditions are all adhered to.

There are other types of situations where it may be permissible to relate negative information: One is where we need to discuss a person’s faults in order to help him improve. For example, it may be necessary to discuss a student in school who is causing disruption and where it is likely that negative aspects of his character will be brought up. Given the right conditions, this is considered a valid reason for speaking critically.

Another possible example is where a person feels the need to vent his feelings by talking about an incident in which someone else caused them some kind of pain. If the goal of where speaking in such a way is to release our feelings and NOT simply to criticize the other person, then one may be allowed to do so. This does not of course mean that we can discuss these feelings on a day-to-day basis to your spouse or friend! Rather it refers to rare occasions in which we really feel hurt by someone and where we feel the need to share our pain with someone close to us.

It is essential to remember that all of the above situations are subject to a number of conditions that MUST be adhered to before one is allowed to speak lashon hara. In the forthcoming weeks, these conditions will be discussed, and it will be apparent that, in practice, one must be very careful about saying anything negative about others even when it seems that it should be permitted.

1 Kedoshim, 19:16.

2 These will be enumerated in future essays.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Lashon Hara Part 5

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

We have thus far discussed the prohibitions of speaking and listening to lashon hara. There is another form of forbidden speech which is known as ’Rechillut’, or talebearing. This involves reporting what people say about each other thereby causing ill feeling amongst one of the parents. For example, John tells Dave how much he dislikes Brian and speaks at length about Brian’s negative traits. Dave decides to share John’s words with Brian himself. Understandably Brian is very upset and this causes a great rift in the relationship between John and Brian. It is also likely to damage John’s relationship with Dave because John cannot trust that Dave will spread his words in the future. Of course John was completely at fault for blatantly speaking negatively about Brian. Nonetheless, this does not justify Dave’s passing on this discussion to Brian - this only causes ill will between all concerned.

The Talmud says that ’rechillut’ is in some ways even more damaging than normal lashon hara: In the case of lashon hara the victim may never actually become aware of what was said about him and therefore will not feel the pain of being spoken about in a negative fashion. Whereas in the case of rechillus it is inevitable that the negative opinions will become known and relationships will be damaged.

It is also important to note that the victim of the rechillus should not blindly accept the words of the gossiper. So, in our case, Brian should no jump to conclusions and assume that everything Dave claims that John said about him is true. As we discussed last week, it is very likely that Dave’s words do not represent to complete truth.

The Torah views the ability to speak as a tremendous gift - one that no other creature possesses. A person can do tremendous good if he uses his speech in the right way. However, we also have the ability to use it for evil - to cause pain to others by speaking negatively about them. These laws teach us that if we do not want to cause undue pain then we must be extra vigilant about our speech. So the next time we have the opportunity to speak about what people say about each other let us think about the possible consequences of such words. If there is any chance that such speech could cause pain then it is highly advisable to refrain from it and remain quiet or try to say pleasant words that give joy to people’s lives.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Lashon Hara Part 4

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last week we mentioned that as well as the prohibition to speak lashon hara (negative speech) it is also forbidden to actively listen to it. There are two main reasons for this:

Firstly, by listening to the speaker you are enabling him to continue his gossip and consequently causing him to sin. By doing so, one transgresses a separate commandment in the Torah known as, ‘do not put a stumbling block in front of a blind person’. One application of this is that we cannot cause someone else to sin. The reason for this commandment is that Judaism does not see each person as a separate individual who only needs to be concerned about his own spiritual well-being. We are enjoined to care about the spiritual well-being of our fellow man and therefore we cannot cause him to perform an action that is spiritually damaging to him.

One may think that listening to lashon hara would only involve a transgression of not putting a stumbling block if you are the only listener but if there are others there then the speaker would be able to say his criticisms anyway. However, it is still possible that the presence of another person may strengthen the speaker’s conviction to speak and therefore listening could still involve putting a ‘stumbling block’.

The second problem with listening to lashon hara is that it is very likely that the listener will believe what is being said and will allow it to cloud his opinion of the person under discussion. Accordingly, it is highly advisable to try to not put oneself in the position of hearing negative words. However, there are situations where it is unavoidable to hear lashon hara - what should we do when this happens? The great scholar, Rabbi Yisroel Kagan, known as the Chofetz Chaim, says that we must strive not to believe the negative words that have been spoken.

This is no easy task, but one way of making it easier is to realize that although the speaker may not be intentionally lying in what he is saying, but nevertheless he is only saying things from his subjective point of view. We all know that there are two sides to every story - when we hear both people’s versions we understand how two people can see one event in drastically different ways. Thus, for example, when John describes in detail how Dave committed a deplorable act we cannot really know if the way he saw the story is an accurate account of what actually happened. Having this awareness can help us develop an ability to remain unaffected by the negative speech that we hear.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Lashon Hara Part 3

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last week we discussed how we cannot say derogatory things about other people. There is another category of speech which constitutes lashon hara even though it may not be derogatory: The Torah generally forbids us from saying things that could cause damage to a person. For example, if a person is looking to find employment, it is not allowed to jeopardize his chances by telling his prospective employers information that may cause them to choose not to employ him.

This aspect of the laws of lashon hara requires us to develop a heightened sense of awareness of how we speak about other people. If we are not careful then some undue damage may result from divulging information about others.

The Torah requires that, as well as not speaking lashon hara ourselves, we should be careful to not cause our friends to speak badly about other people. A common occurrence in this area is that we may innocently mention somebody’s name to the other person and he will then launch into a critique of that person. We should be extra careful when we are aware of tension between two people that we never mention the name of one of the antagonists in front of the other one for doing so would inevitably lead to lashon hara.

Moreover, unfortunately there are some people who very often criticize others - when speaking to such people it is advisable that we strive to never mention other people’s names.

There are a number of laws that relate to the event that someone does speak negatively about others in front of us. One is that we should not encourage them to continue speaking in this negative vein. The most unthreatening way of doing so is by subtly changing the subject. If this does not succeed then it is advisable to try to end the conversation as soon as possible.

Like all mitzvos between man and man, lashon hara teaches us a great deal about how we should act in our daily lives. One lesson we can learn from the above laws is that it is generally a good thing to not spend much of our time discussing other people. There are more important things to discuss than details about the lives of other people and if we recognize this then we can begin to speak more constructively.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Lashon Hara Part 2

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

We discussed last week how the Torah prohibits speaking badly about our friend even if we are saying the truth. But we still need to define what ‘speaking badly’ means. There are some descriptions of people that are considered objectively derogatory, such as, ‘arrogant’, ‘selfish’ and ‘evil’. One cannot use such terms in describing someone else. One may argue that he would even say such things about a person right in front of him and therefore it should be allowed. This is not the case; indeed it is even more disdainful to actually be willing to say such harmful things to a person’s face.

Another reason that one may think justifies speaking badly about someone is that that person says the same thing about himself. For example, one may think, “John often says how lazy is so why can’t I say it?!’ However, any trait that is objectively negative remains negative even if the person happily admits that he has that trait. One last justification to speak lashon hara is, “I am only joking’ - that too does not justify criticizing others.

There is a second category of descriptions which are not objectively negative, rather they can be interpreted in either a negative or neutral way. For example, ’he is always cooking food in his house” could be taken to simply mean that he cooks a lot or it could imply that he is greedy. This kind of speech may be allowed if the following conditions are fulfilled:

1.The speaker must not intend his statement as a criticism:

2.He must be sure that the listener will not interpret it in a negative way.
If there is any doubt as to how the listener will interpret it then it should not be said.

At this point it is important to acknowledge that all these laws may seem overwhelming but we should not be discouraged. A major tenet of Judaism is that we should not jump too quickly in his spiritual growth. Rather we should take small, meaningful steps. So too with regard to lashon hara - it is not possible to drastically change our speech in one moment. A suggested first step is simply to try to be more aware of our speech and at least notice when we are speaking negatively. Once we can do this then we can begin to slowly change the way we speak.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Lashon Hara - Evil Speech

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Every now and again the media report a court case involving the claim of libel - that one person spoke falsely about another. Society understands that it is unacceptable to say negative things about people if they are not true. It seems, however, that society accepts the right to speak negatively about others as long as we speak the truth. The Torah takes a different approach: Negative speech about others (known as lashon hara in hebrew) is forbidden by the Torah even if one is telling the truth. Why is this the case - what is wrong with speaking honestly about others just because it involves criticism?

There are two main reasons why lashon hara is forbidden? Firstly it often causes damage of some kind . And even if there is no tangible damage done, we tend to change our opinion of people based on what we hear about them. Consequently if we hear, for example, that John is an arrogant person, we are now more likely to notice arrogance in his character.

But what about a situation where lashon hara was spoken and absolutely no damage was done? Why should this form of lashon hara be forbidden? This brings us to the second problem with lashon hara even when it is true; Rabbeinu Yonah, one of the great medieval Rabbis, tells a brief story about this issue: An elderly sage was walking along a path with his student and they passed the rotting corpse of a dog. The student exclaimed, “this corpse is so disgusting!” His Rabbi answered, “but what lovely white teeth it has!” The Rabbi was teaching his student that we should always strive to focus on the good, even with regard to the corpse of a dog.

When a person speaks badly about someone else he is focusing on the negative and ignoring the positive in that that person. Rabbeinu Yonah explains that seeing the bad in others in and of itself is an undesirable character trait - speaking badly about others reflects an inner tendency to see the negative. The Torah forbids lashon hara because it wants us to be people who see the good in others.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Do Not Hate Part 3

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Western society today places great emphasis on our rights to live life as we wish as long as it does not damage others. An outgrowth of this attitude is the concept of moral relativism; proponents of this concept argue that there is no objective right or wrong and consequently we do not have the right to judge others because of their viewpoint or lifestyle. The Torah strongly rejects this concept and argues that there is an absolute morality and there is a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live one’s life 1. Such an attitude can seem antithetical to the command that we should not hate our fellow man; indeed history has proven that ideological disagreements have been the cause of great hatred. How does Judaism reconcile this apparent dichotomy?

There is a very important passage in the Talmud that can help us more accurately understand the Torah’s attitude in these areas. The Talmud states that the Second Temple was destroyed because of ‘Baseless Hatred’. Amongst the Jewish people there were many different groups each espousing a different ideology. Their differences of opinion led to great strife and eventually a Civil War, which was a key stage in the destruction of the Temple and the subsequent exile of the Jewish people. The Talmud describes the disagreements as being ’baseless’, meaning that they had no reason for them 2. This description is difficult to understand - after all each group did have reasons to hate each other - they believed that the ideology of their rivals was not only wrong but positively dangerous. Accordingly, how can the Talmud describe this hatred as baseless?!

The answer is that a person can disagree with someone else BUT such disagreement is not a valid cause of hatred - the Jews in the time of the Temple destruction did have reasons for disagreeing with each other BUT they were not reasons that justified hatred - consequently the Talmud describes the hatred as ’baseless’ because it did not have a legitimate basis.

We can now understand how the Torah can preach absolute morality and simultaneously forbid hatred. We believe that there is a right and wrong and that we must strive to live our lives following the ’right’ path. And if a person acts in a manner that does not fit with the Torah’s conception of morality then his behavior can be described as inappropriate and even immoral. However this does not mean that we have license to hate him - we can disagree with his actions and at the same time love his essence. With this understanding, the Torah’s exhortation to avoid hatred takes on a new dimension - even if we have an ideological disagreement with our fellow we need not turn it into a personal battle.

1 In truth few people are willing to follow the moral relativist line to its logical endpoint - that one has no right to criticize ANY ideology even if it ‘seems’ morally repugnant to us, consequently, such acts as murder, thievery, and anti-Semitism become subjective acts that cannot be judged as being evil simply because there is no objective evil.

2 Yoma, 9b.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Do Not Hate Part 2

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Do not hate your brother in your heart, you will surely rebuke a member of your people, and do not bear sin because of him.”1

Last week we discussed one aspect of the command of ‘do not hate’ - we saw that keeping our feelings to ourselves can often have a detrimental effect, leading to increased hatred. However this prohibition is not limited to literally keeping our feelings in our heart; another way of transgressing it is to act in a two-faced manner to the object of our displeasure, speaking pleasantly in his presence but degrading him behind his back.

This mode of behaviors is negative for a number of reasons. Firstly, we discussed last week that by speaking openly and honestly to the person we can hopefully resolve the situation. However, speaking badly about him to others will not help to reduce the antagonistic feelings , indeed they will probably increase. Perhaps even more damaging is the fact that the victim of such criticism is being attacked without his awareness - thus he is totally unable to protect himself. It is positively cruel to place somebody in such a position - bad things may happen to him as a result of the negative things said about him and he will not be able to defend himself.

Moreover, by speaking badly to others about him this will surely cause them to feel more hostile towards him, denying him of a fair chance at maintaining good relationships. Further, very often, such talk can genuinely damage a person’s reputation and cause him monetary loss.

In addition to the damage that can be caused by speaking badly about a person behind his back, such behavior also reflects a lacking in one’s character. To be friendly to a person in front of him but degrade him when he is not present demonstrates a strong element of dishonesty. The Torah describes in great detail the enmity that Joseph’s brothers felt towards him; they felt that he was arrogant and a threat to their well- being. Despite their miscalculations in this area, they are nevertheless praised for one aspect of their behavior - they did not act in a deceitful manner to Joseph. They made it perfectly clear as to how they felt towards him and therefore he was not placed in a position of false security. This is a reflection of their positive trait of honesty.

Of course we should all strive to resolve unpleasantness through open discourse, but even if we are unable to do this, then we must certainly strive to avoid acting in a two-faced manner to our fellow man - even if we are upset with him he does not deserve to be attacked from behind.

1Parshat Kedoshim, 19:17



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Do Not Hate

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Do not hate your brother in your heart, you will surely rebuke a member of your people, and you will not bear sin upon him.”1

Over the past several weeks we have seen how the Torah stresses the importance of loving our fellow man.

There are occasions in life when it is very difficult to have positive feelings towards certain people and at times we may even feel decidedly negative about them. The Torah is aware of this phenomena and instructs us how to deal with it. There are a number of reasons as to why we may harbor negative feelings towards a person: One of the most common is when we feel that this person wronged us in some way. He may have said something that hurt our feelings or he may have done something that caused us pain. How should a person react to such a situation? The Torah begins by telling us not to “hate your brother in our heart” - that means we should not simply keep our feelings to ourselves and act as normal towards him. You may wonder what is so bad about that - after all perhaps we will forget about it with the passing of time? If this is the case then it may be advisable to remain quiet, however, more commonly, we tend to build up negative feelings towards that person in our heart and they are never truly resolved. Consequently, even after a long time, we may still think about the past incident whenever we come in contact with that person. One author writes that he once sent a slightly arrogant sounding letter to a well-known author. In reply the author insulted his bad manners in a most unpleasant manner. The victim writes that ten years later he heard about the death of this author and all he could think about was how the author had hurt his feelings so many years earlier!

So how should we react? The Torah answers - do not keep your feelings inside, rather “you will surely rebuke a member of your people.” The word ’rebuke’ sounds rather harsh, however the Hebrew word, ’tochacha’ really means to clarify. When someone upsets us we should clarify the situation with him. This means that after a brief amount of time when the initial high level of anger has cleared, we should approach the person and gently speak to him about how hurt our feelings. This should only be done in private so as not to cause any embarrassment to the person and there should be no hint of anger or aggression in our words. What normally happens in such a situation is that the person apologizes for his behavior, explains why he acted in such a way, and emphasizes that he had no idea that what he had said or done had caused pain. This is one aspect of how the Torah guides us how to have healthy, positive relationships.

1 Parshat Kedoshim, Ch.19, v.17.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Love Thy Neighbor Part 5

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

In the past few weeks we have discussed the various aspects of the obligation to ‘Love Thy Neighbor’. We have seen how important it is to strive to be a kind, caring person who is constantly striving to be aware of others’ needs. However, there is one remaining issue that requires further clarification: To what extent does the obligation of kindness go? If we spend all our time helping others there is the possibility that we will neglect ourselves and our families. How does Judaism deal with this issue? The Talmud discusses a case where two men find themselves stranded in the desert; one has a bottle of water which, if he drinks it all, will probably last him till they reach civilization but his friend will die. If, however, he shares the bottle then the likelihood is that neither of them will survive long enough to reach safety. What should the man who has the bottle do? The Talmud concludes that in such a case we say ‘chayecha kodmim’ that a person is obligated to put his life before that of his friend, and consequently he must keep the bottle for himself even though it means that his friend will probably die.

The Torah always advocates kindness, nevertheless, a person is obligated to look after himself and his own needs before he looks to help others. A person should have a sense of responsibility towards his own well-being - he must look after his physical and emotional health. Moreover he should not neglect his family at the expense of helping other people - his family comes first.

The balance between focusing on oneself and others is a delicate one - on the one hand a person must make sure that he and his family are functioning well, on the other hand, a person cannot totally ignore the outside world and only care about himself. The Torah provides us with direction to enable us to achieve the right balance through its instructions about giving charity. A Jew is required to give charity, however he is forbidden to give more than 20% of his earnings away because doing so could cause him to become poor. From here we see that we should give to the extent that we do not feel an undue stress on the physical, emotional and psychological well-being of oneself and his family. It is admirable to have guests for meals in one home but a family may, periodically feel the need to spend time alone so that they can focus on each other. With thought and practice we will all hopefully find the correct balance that will enable us to be the most productive and happy members of society.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Love Thy Neighbor Part 4

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

A key to fulfilling the command of ‘Love Thy Neighbor’ is to turn our attention to the people around us. We all have a natural tendency to think about ourselves more than other people and; consequently, we may sometimes be unaware of the needs of others. To love one’s neighbor properly it is necessary to make genuine attempts to be sensitive to their needs.

In Judaism the wisest people are also the most righteous - there are numerous examples of how leading Rabbis demonstrated their care for others. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein was the leading Rabbi in USA for many decades; on one occasion he was being taken in a car by a student. As Rabbi Feinstein entered the car the student inadvertently closed the door onto his fingers, yet he remained completely silent as if nothing had happened. A bewildered onlooker asked him why he did not cry out, he answered that the student would feel incredible embarrassment about having caused him pain and therefore he controlled himself and kept quiet.

Another example of great selflessness involves Rabbi Isser Zalman Meltzer, one of the leading Rabbis in Israel for the first part of the 20th century. His son-in-law, Rabbi Aharon Kotler and his grandson Shneur went to Rabbi Meltzer to say goodbye shortly before leaving Eretz Yisroel for Shneur’s chasunah. Rabbi Meltzer stopped in the middle of the stairs on the way down rather than escorting them all the way to the street. They asked him about it and he explained, “Many of the people who live around here have grandchildren who were murdered by the Nazis. How could I go down to the street and embrace my grandchild, flaunting my joy publicly, when these people can’t do the same?! ”

These superhuman demonstrations of selflessness can be an inspiration to us. There are numerous examples where we can overcome our own self- absorption and show an awareness of the needs of those around us. A number of commandments encourage the development of the trait of selflessness. For example, if a person finds a lost object such as a wallet lying in the street he is obligated (under certain circumstances) to pick it up, look after it and announce it in the local vicinity in an attempt to locate its owner. This command requires us to take a moment out of our own busy schedules and devote some time and effort into helping or fellow man. By striving to observe these commandments we can all become kinder people.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Love Thy Neighbor Part 3

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Previously, we discussed how the commandment of ‘love thy neighbor’ requires us to want the best for others and to avoid causing him any harm. One also fulfils this commandment by doing acts of kindness for people. From time to time we all need help from our friends, and we are very grateful when they are willing to provide it. The Torah says that we should do for others what we would like them to do for us. So for example, if you see a person struggling along carrying heavy bags, then offer to lighten his burden - we certainly appreciate it when others do that for us! If we open our eyes we will see myriad ways in which we can help others and they do not necessarily have to involve major self- sacrifice. Even simple acts such as smiling or a pleasant word can light up a person’s day. My wife and I were once in a cab with a serious looking driver. My wife gave herself a challenge - to make this man smile! We were in Israel so the driver was not fluent in English, nonetheless when he heard us speaking in English he accordingly spoke to us in his broken English. Seizing the opportunity, my wife commented on how good his English was. His response was to laugh and smile for the rest of the journey! If we would all live with the attitude that is fostered by ’love thy neighbor’ then the world would be a far more pleasant place to live in.

Love thy neighbor is a form of kindness based on thinking about the feelings of others. There is another commandment that focuses on a different aspect of doing kindness; This is called, “to walk in the ways of G-d.” This means that we should strive to emulate Hashem’s character traits - He is all-giving, so we too should strive to be giving, He is merciful, so we too should be merciful. There are many specific examples in the Torah where Hashem performs kindnesses - these are there to teach us how we too can do kindness. For example, when Abraham was unwell, Hashem visited him. We learn from here that we too should visit sick people. Moreover, we learn the specific intricacies of how to help them by how Hashem acted when He visited Abraham - He never actually said anything to Abraham, He just ‘stayed there’ so to speak. This teaches us that when we visit somebody who is unwell, the most important thing is not necessarily what we say to them but the fact that we are there sharing in their pain. This commandment is similar to ’Love Thy Neighbor’ in that it leads to acts of kindness, but there is a significant difference between the two. Whereas Love ‘Thy Neighbor’ focuses on the other person, ‘walking in G-d’s’ ways’ requires a focus on improving our own character traits - I want to be a better, kinder person. By observing these two commandments a person will become truly G-d like.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Love Thy Neighbor Part 2

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Previously, we began outlining the parameters of the commandment of ‘love thy neighbor’. We discussed how we should desire that other people succeed in life and feel pain at their difficulties. The Talmud discusses further the requirements of this commandment. It tells us of a great Rabbi, Hillel, who was the leader in his generation. A non-Jew who wanted to convert to Judaism came to him, and asked that Hillel teach him the single most fundamental principle in Judaism. Hillel answered him, “do not do to your friend that which is hateful to you.” In the Torah this command is expressed in the positive sense - “love thy neighbor”, however Hillel emphasized the negative aspect of not hurting others.

Most of us have good intentions towards others, we want to help them and certainly do not want to cause them pain. However, all too often, we are responsible for hurting their feelings or harming them in some way. Hillel teaches us that one of the most basic principles underlying inter- personal relationships is developing a sensitivity to the feelings of others. A good way of doing this is to think about what things cause us pain, and then develop an awareness of how those things can bother our friend. For example, we often like to joke around about our friends, this can be harmless but it can and often does upset the other person - most of us, deep down, do not like it when others make fun of us, so how must our friend feel when we do it to him?!

You may ask, there are some things that do not bother me, but may bother my friend - must I also be sensitive to them? The answer is, ’yes’ - each of us have our own attitudes and sensitivities - Hilllel was teaching us that just like we expect our friends to be receptive to our unique needs, so too we should do the same for our friend.

We can now more easily understand why Hillel said that not hurting others is such a fundamental principle in Judaism. The root cause of an inability to develop a relationship with Hashem is self-absorption. If a person only cares about his own feelings and his way of looking at the world, then he will be unable to accept Hashem’s ‘opinions’ about life as expressed in the Torah. In contrast, a person who is not totally caught up in himself and can relate to the feelings of other people can also more easily accept that his outlook on life is not the only viable one. He will be more willing to step out of his own self and try to understand how Hashem ‘views’ the world.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
0

Love Your Neighbor Like Yourself Part I

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Do not take revenge, do not bear a grudge against a member of your people, love thy neighbor like yourself.1”

“Love thy neighbor” - is there any commandment more well-known than this? Yet we must ask ourselves what this requires on an individual level? Understood literally this would imply that we must have the same emotional feelings of love to others that we naturally feel for ourselves. Yet is this really possible? We all feel a very strong love for ourselves and it is surely impossible to love other people to the same extent.

A more satisfactory explanation of this commandment is that it obligates us to strive to desire that our friend succeeds in life. This attitude is not based on emotions, rather it comes from an intellectual understanding that the success of another person should also be a source of joy to ourselves. In order to achieve this level we must work on removing feelings of jealousy towards others. Jealousy comes when a person feels threatened by his friends achievements, and feels inadequate as a result. But we need to recognize that each person has his own unique set of talents tailor-made for him to be able to fulfill his potential in life.

For example, the abilities required of a pitcher in baseball are very different from those needed to be a great batter. Would a pitcher be jealous of the batter’s ability to hit a ball very hard?! And likewise, would a batter feel lacking if he could not pitch a ball as accurately as the pitcher?! Of course not - they realize that they have a particular role in the team that requires certain talents but not others. So too, I have no reason to feel jealous of my friend’s abilities. Had I needed them I would have been blessed with them!

Once we can internalize this idea then it will become far easier to share in our friend’s joy and empathize with his pain. So, when a friend is seeking employment, the command of “love thy neighbor” tells us that we should strive to want him to succeed as much as we would want to succeed ourselves. And if he fails in a test then we should try to imagine how we would feel in the same situation and transfer that feeling to him. This is one of the key aspects of ‘love thy neighbor’ and if we can live by this then we can avoid unwarranted jealousy and feel far more content with our lot in life.

1 Vayikra, Parshas Kedoshim, 19:18.


By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

SOURCE:

Subscribe to Jewish Values and receive this class via e- mail.

Visit Rabbi Gefen's new blog at rabbiygefen.blogspot.com.

Join the Jewish Learning Revolution! Torah.org: The Judaism Site brings this and a host of other classes to you every week.

Visit Torah.org or email learn@torah.org to get your own free copy of this mailing.

Need to change or stop your subscription? Please visit Torah.org's subscription center, http://torah.org/subscribe/ -- see the links on that page.



Copyright 1995 - 2007 Project Genesis Project Genesis, Inc.

Share this post!

Bookmark and Share
Newer