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Lashon Hara Part 6

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

In the past weeks we have discussed the various prohibitions that relate to harmful speech. However, there are situations in which it is permissible and perhaps even required to speak negatively about others. The Torah tells us, “Do not stand by your brother’s blood.1 ” This means that when our friend is in danger we are obligated to try to help him in any way possible. This commandment is not limited to physical danger - it is also incumbent upon us to prevent our friend suffering financial, psychological, or emotional damage.

Consequently, there are occasions where the only way in which we can protect a person is by informing him of the negative actions or intentions of someone else - this would inevitably involve lashon hara. However, in such situations it is permitted to do so in order to protect our friend, as long as a number of conditions are met2.

An example of this is if we know that out friend is about to embark on a business venture with a person known to be untrustworthy. In this situation we are obligated to try to save our friend from potential financial loss. In such a scenario it would be permitted to speak negatively about one person in order to save the other if the conditions are all adhered to.

There are other types of situations where it may be permissible to relate negative information: One is where we need to discuss a person’s faults in order to help him improve. For example, it may be necessary to discuss a student in school who is causing disruption and where it is likely that negative aspects of his character will be brought up. Given the right conditions, this is considered a valid reason for speaking critically.

Another possible example is where a person feels the need to vent his feelings by talking about an incident in which someone else caused them some kind of pain. If the goal of where speaking in such a way is to release our feelings and NOT simply to criticize the other person, then one may be allowed to do so. This does not of course mean that we can discuss these feelings on a day-to-day basis to your spouse or friend! Rather it refers to rare occasions in which we really feel hurt by someone and where we feel the need to share our pain with someone close to us.

It is essential to remember that all of the above situations are subject to a number of conditions that MUST be adhered to before one is allowed to speak lashon hara. In the forthcoming weeks, these conditions will be discussed, and it will be apparent that, in practice, one must be very careful about saying anything negative about others even when it seems that it should be permitted.

1 Kedoshim, 19:16.

2 These will be enumerated in future essays.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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Lashon Hara Part 5

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

We have thus far discussed the prohibitions of speaking and listening to lashon hara. There is another form of forbidden speech which is known as ’Rechillut’, or talebearing. This involves reporting what people say about each other thereby causing ill feeling amongst one of the parents. For example, John tells Dave how much he dislikes Brian and speaks at length about Brian’s negative traits. Dave decides to share John’s words with Brian himself. Understandably Brian is very upset and this causes a great rift in the relationship between John and Brian. It is also likely to damage John’s relationship with Dave because John cannot trust that Dave will spread his words in the future. Of course John was completely at fault for blatantly speaking negatively about Brian. Nonetheless, this does not justify Dave’s passing on this discussion to Brian - this only causes ill will between all concerned.

The Talmud says that ’rechillut’ is in some ways even more damaging than normal lashon hara: In the case of lashon hara the victim may never actually become aware of what was said about him and therefore will not feel the pain of being spoken about in a negative fashion. Whereas in the case of rechillus it is inevitable that the negative opinions will become known and relationships will be damaged.

It is also important to note that the victim of the rechillus should not blindly accept the words of the gossiper. So, in our case, Brian should no jump to conclusions and assume that everything Dave claims that John said about him is true. As we discussed last week, it is very likely that Dave’s words do not represent to complete truth.

The Torah views the ability to speak as a tremendous gift - one that no other creature possesses. A person can do tremendous good if he uses his speech in the right way. However, we also have the ability to use it for evil - to cause pain to others by speaking negatively about them. These laws teach us that if we do not want to cause undue pain then we must be extra vigilant about our speech. So the next time we have the opportunity to speak about what people say about each other let us think about the possible consequences of such words. If there is any chance that such speech could cause pain then it is highly advisable to refrain from it and remain quiet or try to say pleasant words that give joy to people’s lives.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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Lashon Hara Part 4

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last week we mentioned that as well as the prohibition to speak lashon hara (negative speech) it is also forbidden to actively listen to it. There are two main reasons for this:

Firstly, by listening to the speaker you are enabling him to continue his gossip and consequently causing him to sin. By doing so, one transgresses a separate commandment in the Torah known as, ‘do not put a stumbling block in front of a blind person’. One application of this is that we cannot cause someone else to sin. The reason for this commandment is that Judaism does not see each person as a separate individual who only needs to be concerned about his own spiritual well-being. We are enjoined to care about the spiritual well-being of our fellow man and therefore we cannot cause him to perform an action that is spiritually damaging to him.

One may think that listening to lashon hara would only involve a transgression of not putting a stumbling block if you are the only listener but if there are others there then the speaker would be able to say his criticisms anyway. However, it is still possible that the presence of another person may strengthen the speaker’s conviction to speak and therefore listening could still involve putting a ‘stumbling block’.

The second problem with listening to lashon hara is that it is very likely that the listener will believe what is being said and will allow it to cloud his opinion of the person under discussion. Accordingly, it is highly advisable to try to not put oneself in the position of hearing negative words. However, there are situations where it is unavoidable to hear lashon hara - what should we do when this happens? The great scholar, Rabbi Yisroel Kagan, known as the Chofetz Chaim, says that we must strive not to believe the negative words that have been spoken.

This is no easy task, but one way of making it easier is to realize that although the speaker may not be intentionally lying in what he is saying, but nevertheless he is only saying things from his subjective point of view. We all know that there are two sides to every story - when we hear both people’s versions we understand how two people can see one event in drastically different ways. Thus, for example, when John describes in detail how Dave committed a deplorable act we cannot really know if the way he saw the story is an accurate account of what actually happened. Having this awareness can help us develop an ability to remain unaffected by the negative speech that we hear.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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Lashon Hara Part 3

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last week we discussed how we cannot say derogatory things about other people. There is another category of speech which constitutes lashon hara even though it may not be derogatory: The Torah generally forbids us from saying things that could cause damage to a person. For example, if a person is looking to find employment, it is not allowed to jeopardize his chances by telling his prospective employers information that may cause them to choose not to employ him.

This aspect of the laws of lashon hara requires us to develop a heightened sense of awareness of how we speak about other people. If we are not careful then some undue damage may result from divulging information about others.

The Torah requires that, as well as not speaking lashon hara ourselves, we should be careful to not cause our friends to speak badly about other people. A common occurrence in this area is that we may innocently mention somebody’s name to the other person and he will then launch into a critique of that person. We should be extra careful when we are aware of tension between two people that we never mention the name of one of the antagonists in front of the other one for doing so would inevitably lead to lashon hara.

Moreover, unfortunately there are some people who very often criticize others - when speaking to such people it is advisable that we strive to never mention other people’s names.

There are a number of laws that relate to the event that someone does speak negatively about others in front of us. One is that we should not encourage them to continue speaking in this negative vein. The most unthreatening way of doing so is by subtly changing the subject. If this does not succeed then it is advisable to try to end the conversation as soon as possible.

Like all mitzvos between man and man, lashon hara teaches us a great deal about how we should act in our daily lives. One lesson we can learn from the above laws is that it is generally a good thing to not spend much of our time discussing other people. There are more important things to discuss than details about the lives of other people and if we recognize this then we can begin to speak more constructively.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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Lashon Hara Part 2

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

We discussed last week how the Torah prohibits speaking badly about our friend even if we are saying the truth. But we still need to define what ‘speaking badly’ means. There are some descriptions of people that are considered objectively derogatory, such as, ‘arrogant’, ‘selfish’ and ‘evil’. One cannot use such terms in describing someone else. One may argue that he would even say such things about a person right in front of him and therefore it should be allowed. This is not the case; indeed it is even more disdainful to actually be willing to say such harmful things to a person’s face.

Another reason that one may think justifies speaking badly about someone is that that person says the same thing about himself. For example, one may think, “John often says how lazy is so why can’t I say it?!’ However, any trait that is objectively negative remains negative even if the person happily admits that he has that trait. One last justification to speak lashon hara is, “I am only joking’ - that too does not justify criticizing others.

There is a second category of descriptions which are not objectively negative, rather they can be interpreted in either a negative or neutral way. For example, ’he is always cooking food in his house” could be taken to simply mean that he cooks a lot or it could imply that he is greedy. This kind of speech may be allowed if the following conditions are fulfilled:

1.The speaker must not intend his statement as a criticism:

2.He must be sure that the listener will not interpret it in a negative way.
If there is any doubt as to how the listener will interpret it then it should not be said.

At this point it is important to acknowledge that all these laws may seem overwhelming but we should not be discouraged. A major tenet of Judaism is that we should not jump too quickly in his spiritual growth. Rather we should take small, meaningful steps. So too with regard to lashon hara - it is not possible to drastically change our speech in one moment. A suggested first step is simply to try to be more aware of our speech and at least notice when we are speaking negatively. Once we can do this then we can begin to slowly change the way we speak.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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Lashon Hara - Evil Speech

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Every now and again the media report a court case involving the claim of libel - that one person spoke falsely about another. Society understands that it is unacceptable to say negative things about people if they are not true. It seems, however, that society accepts the right to speak negatively about others as long as we speak the truth. The Torah takes a different approach: Negative speech about others (known as lashon hara in hebrew) is forbidden by the Torah even if one is telling the truth. Why is this the case - what is wrong with speaking honestly about others just because it involves criticism?

There are two main reasons why lashon hara is forbidden? Firstly it often causes damage of some kind . And even if there is no tangible damage done, we tend to change our opinion of people based on what we hear about them. Consequently if we hear, for example, that John is an arrogant person, we are now more likely to notice arrogance in his character.

But what about a situation where lashon hara was spoken and absolutely no damage was done? Why should this form of lashon hara be forbidden? This brings us to the second problem with lashon hara even when it is true; Rabbeinu Yonah, one of the great medieval Rabbis, tells a brief story about this issue: An elderly sage was walking along a path with his student and they passed the rotting corpse of a dog. The student exclaimed, “this corpse is so disgusting!” His Rabbi answered, “but what lovely white teeth it has!” The Rabbi was teaching his student that we should always strive to focus on the good, even with regard to the corpse of a dog.

When a person speaks badly about someone else he is focusing on the negative and ignoring the positive in that that person. Rabbeinu Yonah explains that seeing the bad in others in and of itself is an undesirable character trait - speaking badly about others reflects an inner tendency to see the negative. The Torah forbids lashon hara because it wants us to be people who see the good in others.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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Do Not Hate Part 3

Author Aryeh    Category , , , , , , , , , , ,

Western society today places great emphasis on our rights to live life as we wish as long as it does not damage others. An outgrowth of this attitude is the concept of moral relativism; proponents of this concept argue that there is no objective right or wrong and consequently we do not have the right to judge others because of their viewpoint or lifestyle. The Torah strongly rejects this concept and argues that there is an absolute morality and there is a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to live one’s life 1. Such an attitude can seem antithetical to the command that we should not hate our fellow man; indeed history has proven that ideological disagreements have been the cause of great hatred. How does Judaism reconcile this apparent dichotomy?

There is a very important passage in the Talmud that can help us more accurately understand the Torah’s attitude in these areas. The Talmud states that the Second Temple was destroyed because of ‘Baseless Hatred’. Amongst the Jewish people there were many different groups each espousing a different ideology. Their differences of opinion led to great strife and eventually a Civil War, which was a key stage in the destruction of the Temple and the subsequent exile of the Jewish people. The Talmud describes the disagreements as being ’baseless’, meaning that they had no reason for them 2. This description is difficult to understand - after all each group did have reasons to hate each other - they believed that the ideology of their rivals was not only wrong but positively dangerous. Accordingly, how can the Talmud describe this hatred as baseless?!

The answer is that a person can disagree with someone else BUT such disagreement is not a valid cause of hatred - the Jews in the time of the Temple destruction did have reasons for disagreeing with each other BUT they were not reasons that justified hatred - consequently the Talmud describes the hatred as ’baseless’ because it did not have a legitimate basis.

We can now understand how the Torah can preach absolute morality and simultaneously forbid hatred. We believe that there is a right and wrong and that we must strive to live our lives following the ’right’ path. And if a person acts in a manner that does not fit with the Torah’s conception of morality then his behavior can be described as inappropriate and even immoral. However this does not mean that we have license to hate him - we can disagree with his actions and at the same time love his essence. With this understanding, the Torah’s exhortation to avoid hatred takes on a new dimension - even if we have an ideological disagreement with our fellow we need not turn it into a personal battle.

1 In truth few people are willing to follow the moral relativist line to its logical endpoint - that one has no right to criticize ANY ideology even if it ‘seems’ morally repugnant to us, consequently, such acts as murder, thievery, and anti-Semitism become subjective acts that cannot be judged as being evil simply because there is no objective evil.

2 Yoma, 9b.



By Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen

Text Copyright © 2007 by Rabbi Yehonasan Gefen and Torah.org

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